DIY Large Chicken Coop: A Redneck’s Guide to Poultry Palaces and Backyard Coops

Quick Facts About This Large Chicken Coop and Run

Welcome backyard chicken enthusiasts! You wanna know the secret to building a large chicken coop without breaking the bank or your back? It’s simpler than trying to teach a rooster to use an alarm clock. Here’s the secret: look for a used garden shed that you can snag for next to nothing. One Saturday morning, I found myself staring at my neighbor’s old shed, thinking, “That ain’t just a shabby structure; it’s a five-star chicken hotel waiting to happen!”

• Prep Time: A weekend (or two if you’re moving at the speed of molasses)
• Build Time: Depends on how many beers you’ve got in the cooler
• Serves: Enough chickens to make Colonel Sanders jealous

With a weekend of elbow grease and a couple of cases of beer, that free wood frame shed can be transformed into an insulated chicken paradise that’ll outlast my favorite cast iron skillet. You’ll need about 3 to 5 square feet of coop space per chicken if they have access to outdoor run space, and 10 square feet of run space for each feathered diva. Trust me, chickens are like my mother-in-law at a buffet—they need their space!

Once you’ve got your coop set up, don’t forget to add ‘chicken coop maintenance’ to your Ultimate Home Maintenance Checklist – keeping your feathered friends’ home in tip-top shape is just as important as maintaining your own!

Now, let’s dive into the nitty-gritty of turning that sad little shed into a chicken mansion that’ll make your neighbors wonder if you’ve struck gold.

The Great Chicken Coop Caper: A Tale of Redneck Ingenuity

One balmy Saturday morning in Podunk, and I’m standing in my neighbor’s yard, eyeballing an old shed that’s seen better days. Now, most folks would see firewood, but us resourceful types? We see opportunity. And by “opportunity,” I mean “free large chicken coop.” Now I just need to figure out how to get this dilapidated masterpiece from point A to point B without it falling apart like a house of cards in a tornado.

Now, let me tell you, watching a 900-pound coop get airlifted across your yard is something straight out of a redneck sci-fi movie. But by golly, me and my trusty skid loader did it! You might be wondering, what if I don’t have a skid loader or a friend with one? Well, there’s always the tried-and-true method of jacks, prayers, and a small trailer. (YouTube has a TON of these videos.) Just remember, if you hear creaking, run like your overalls are on fire!

Why You’ll Love This Large Chicken Coop and Run

1. It’s bigger than your first apartment (and probably cleaner, too).
2. Your chickens will be the envy of the barnyard.
3. It’s a great excuse to use power tools without the missus getting suspicious.
4. You’ll finally have a use for all those random bits of wood in your garage.
5. It’s a conversation starter at potlucks. “Why yes, Mabel, I did build that chicken mansion myself.”

Avoid the Cheap Chicken Coop Kits

I’m about to save you from making the same mistake I did. You know those cute little backyard chicken coops you see online? The ones that cost about as much as a night out at the fancy steakhouse and claim to assemble faster than you can say “fried chicken”? Well, let me tell you, they’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

Here’s why these cheap coops are more trouble than they’re worth:

• Size Matters: These coops are smaller than… well, they’re too small! Unless your chickens are free-range (or secretly miniature), they’ll be packed in tighter than sardines in a can.
• Predator Paradise: The “protection” these coops offer is about as effective as a “Beware of Chicken” sign. Any half-decent predator will see it as a vending machine for poultry.
• Winter is Coming: In cold climates, these coops offer about as much insulation as a wet paper bag. Your chickens will be doing the chicken dance just to keep warm.
• Built to Last… a Month: In areas with snow and rain, these coops will start decomposing faster than my New Year’s resolutions. By spring, you’ll have more holes than coop.

Now, let me tell you a little story about my adventure with one of these “bargain” coops. We’d just gotten our first batch of baby chicks, cute as buttons but growing faster than my waistline at Thanksgiving. So, we bought one of these kit coops, thinking we were smarter than the average bear.

We set it up quicker than you can say “Colonel Sanders” and even attached a chain-link dog kennel for a run. It was chicken paradise… for about five minutes. As winter approached, we realized our chickens were about as well-protected as a snowman in a sauna. We slapped some plywood on the outside, hoping it would keep our feathered friends from turning into chicken-sicles.

By spring, that coop was falling apart faster than a politician’s promises. It was then we knew we had to build something better, something that would last longer than my last attempt at a diet.

So, listen to an ol’ Podunk redneck, folks. Skip the cheap coop kits and build your own. Your chickens will thank you, your wallet will thank you (eventually), and you’ll have a great story to tell at the next backyard barbecue. Now, who’s ready to build a chicken palace?

Nail That Project, Flaunt That Style!

Decorate & Celebrate!

Show off your DIY skills with our comfy ‘Rednecks with Paychecks’ shirt and charming chicken feed sack towels! Perfect for adding a touch of Podunk flair to your home and wardrobe. Don’t just DIY—rock it like a true Midwestern legend!

Materials Needed for Your Poultry Palace: Building the Ultimate Chicken House

• One used garden shed: Preferably free, slightly wonky, with a hint of “character”
• Plywood: For when you realize the walls are more hole than wood
• Insulation: Because even chickens deserve a cozy winter
• Windows: Old ones work fine; chickens aren’t picky about the view
• Roosts: AKA chicken bedtime perches
• Nest boxes: Where the magic (eggs) happens
• Automatic door: For when you’re too lazy to play chicken bouncer at sunset
• Paint: To make it look less like a haunted house and more like a chicken resort
• Chicken wire: To keep your feathered friends in and the neighborhood cats out

Equipment Needed for Your Large Chicken Coop (AKA Your Excuse to Buy More Tools)

• Skid loader: Or a really strong friend who owes you a favor
• Hammer: For when things don’t fit and you need to make them fit
• Saw: Because sometimes, you just gotta cut your losses (and some wood)
• Drill: To put holes where you want them, not where the chickens peck them
• Level: So your chickens don’t think they’re living in a funhouse
• Beer cooler: For “hydration” purposes, of course

How to DIY Your Large Chicken Coop (Without Losing Your Sanity)

1. Acquire shed (legally, please). This is the foundation of your chicken empire, so choose wisely.
2. Move shed without destroying it or yourself. Remember, if it falls apart, you’re just building “custom chicken coops.”
3. Strip it down like you’re remodeling the Chicken Hilton. Out with the old, in with the new!
4. Frame out coop windows and doors. Remember, measure twice, cut once, swear thrice.
5. Insulate that coop like you’re preparing for a chicken ice age. Your birds will thank you when it’s colder than a well digger’s behind out there.
6. Add siding, because naked coops are indecent. Plus, it’ll keep the rain out and the chicken gossip in.
7. Build nest boxes and roosts. Think “chicken bunk beds” with a side of egg-laying luxury.
8. Install the automatic chicken door (Amazon affiliate link). Welcome to the future of poultry technology, where chickens can let themselves in and out like teenagers.
9. Add electricity, because even chickens need a mood light and safe heat (Amazon affiliate link). Just don’t let them watch too much TV, or they’ll start demanding cable.
10. Stand back and admire your handiwork. You’ve just increased your property value by at least $12 and your neighborhood status by 100%.

Tips & Tricks for Your Chicken Coop (Or How Not to Cluck It Up)

• Avoid those cute little pre-fab coops. They’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
• Don’t skimp on size. Chickens need at least 3-5 square feet inside the coop (per chicken) and 10 square feet outside. It’s not a clown car, folks.
• Ventilation is key. You don’t want your coop smelling like, well, a chicken coop. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.
• Predator-proof everything. Raccoons are smarter than some people I know, and twice as determined. Build your chicken house more secure than Fort Knox.
• Consider adding a large run to your coop. It’s like a chicken playground, but with more scratching and less swinging.

Variations & Substitutions for Your Chickens Coop (For the Chicken Coops Connoisseur)

• The Amish Edition: If DIY isn’t your thing, consider an Amish-made coop. They build the best large chicken coops, that last longer than most trucks these days, and look better too.
• The Upcycler’s Dream: Turn an old playhouse, doghouse, or even a portable toilet into a chicken coop. Just make sure to air it out first. Your chickens have standards, you know.
• The Chicken Taj Mahal: For those who want their chickens living better than they do. Gold-plated nest boxes optional, but highly recommended if you want to impress the neighbors.
• The Mobile Chicken Suite: Put your coop on wheels and give your chickens a taste of the RV life. Just don’t let them drive.

Remember, folks, building a large chicken coop is more than just hammering some boards together. It’s about creating a home for your feathered friends, a conversation piece for your backyard, and most importantly, a reason to stay out of the house when your in-laws visit.

So grab your tools, round up some buddies, and get ready to build the chicken coop of your dreams. And if all else fails, just slap some paint on it and call it “rustic chic.” Your chickens won’t know the difference, and your neighbors will be too busy wondering if you’ve lost your mind to notice anyway. Happy building Podunk!

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